Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

In an amazing defiance to the retail world of "open 7 days a week, so we own your ass whenever we want to", I managed to procure an entire weekend off. I don't know how I did it, but it's happened. Perhaps the stars aligned just right. Perhaps it's because of that Celestine Fortune Cookie I opened up a couple of days ago. Or perhaps it's because I pressed "1" and selected goats for ritual sacrifice to some dark nameless god.

(And anyone who hasn't seen Angel season 5 is wondering just what the hell I meant by that.)

So now Mel & I find ourselves in Oshawa, visiting my Grandfather (and Gary, who opted to join the emsemble). It's been exactly what we've been both wanting and needing in terms of a weekend off. Oshawa is amazingly quiet, allowing me the chance to simply lounge...and watch Tachikomas parade around the TV, courtesy of the latest GitS: SAC 2nd Gig disc. We've also spent a lot of time sitting and chatting with my grandfather, whom I haven't really been able to see in months now, and dammit I really missed him. Plus we also got a chance to get our taxes done up.

I'm getting more money back than I'd expected. Excuse me a moment while I cry manly tears of joy. No really...you can't get any more manly than that...and I do not cry like a little girl! There's nothing wrong with a grown man being so willing to embrace his vulnerability and exercise a little emotional catharsis!

I HATE YOU ALL!!!




Anyhoo, late last night I headed downstairs to do some laundry. (Having clean socks is a good thing. So is having clean shirts. Or boxers. Or towels. Or sheets. Or pants. Well...the pants are debatable.) Whereupon I also discovered that our grandfather had installed a new door that leads from the kitchen to the basement stairs. It helps conserve heat and keeps the heating costs down. Unfortunately for me, the door blends into the darkness quiet well, and not being very used to its presence in the house, I discovered the door facefirst.

Mel assures me she didn't laugh too hard after hearing the loud "WHAM!", followed by voice going, "Oh right...there's a door here now."


Which brings us to Today's Lesson: before going into a darkened room, use the lightswitch first.
posted by Phillip at 12:57 PM

 

It's just after eleven. U2 is on the speakers, the Puchuu hat gracing my head, and Mel has the "Fruity Oaty Bar" song from Serenity stuck in her head.

Mel: >.< "Damn you, Fruity Oaty Bars!"

Other than that, there's not a whole lot of anything else to report on. Kevin & I now have 30 pages of the Confic cranked out...with possible trimmings already primed for the live reading edition, but they'll be kept in for the eventually-to-be-released-on-website edition. And my arms are starting to look ridiculously muscluar thanks to all the damned boxes of winterwear I've had to prep and send out.

Now I should state that I am as elated as anyone to finally be rid of all those mitts and toques and scarves...though ironically, it's been snowing all day. However, Head Office's now infamous and oft-lamented use of miscommunication (read: "Communiwhat? Isn't that a sports drink?") has required me to step up the shipping schedule a little. To put it simply, extra details required for properly itemizing and shipping everything out was given to me on Monday. As in the day we were supposed to start shipping things out.

This has proven to be as much a wrenching as a monkey can possibly get away with before getting dealt grievous physical injury. I lament the fact that Head Office did not have the presence of mind to tell this first-time manager (for this time of year, I mean) about these extra details perhaps a month ago, when everyone in the store, myself included, were running very shy on things to keep ourselves busy.

Instead, I've spent the last two days repackaging, counting, itemizing, prepping and packaging no less than 14 boxes of winterwear a day. If you'd like to scoff at that, feel free, but I ask you do keep this in mind: most of these boxes are 3 1/2-foot tall boxes meant to hold full sets of luggage, and I'm averaging roughly 80-100 individual items per box.

And if I'm lucky, I'll finish the last of it tomorrow. If I'm unlucky, it'll be done by Thursday. And if I'm really unlucky, the investigators will be able to tie me to the fact that my store and all the damned winterwear in it mysteriously burned to the ground. On the plus side, my biceps are looking pretty big and shapely right about now. On the not-so-plus side, that kind of makes the rest of my skinny stringbean body look slightly disproportionate. Oh well...the Puchuu hat makes it all better.

Today's Lesson: you can sometimes be surprised who you randomly run into in a grocery store when you're not looking. (Hope you found that calendar, Noel!)
posted by Phillip at 7:51 PM

 

For all the times I express my serious disliking of my current vocation, there are just as many moments where I have to openly admit that overall, it's not that bad a job and it could be a lot worse. And then there are moments where I really start to wonder what the hell is going on...

Like when the district manager visits the store and applauds us for doing such a bang-up job on the latest VM guide. (Which, in essence, is the guide that tells us how to rearrange the store to properly show off new products, sales and othersuch.) And then the DM tells us flat out she really thinks Head Office must have hired a bunch of blind chimps when it came to merchandizing the store, and gives us a new plan for arranging the store. So now we're rearranging the rearrangement of the store.

All in all, I do have to admit the store looks better under the new design...but still, couldn't we have been notified of this perhaps before we did the initial changeover?

Oh, and according to various sources, apparently I'm cute and a woman.

No, I'm serious.

You can stop laughing anytime now.

Anytime....






Are you finished yet?

No?!

Oh, bleedin' hell...








...finally! Okay, so apparently I'm cute and a woman, and not necessarily in that order. To begin, a few days ago one of my coworkers was telling me that she visited our store in one of the other malls in Cambridge. She chatted up the staff working there, and revealed that she worked at my store up in Conestoga Mall. Whereupon the girls working there immediately began grilling her on how I looked. Based on what I was told, they all think I "sound really cute on the phone" whenever I call the store asking for some info or item checks. So I have a cute voice. Flattering, sure, but also a little boggling.

Now, before you light the torches and proclaim my ego must be killed now before it rises up and devours us all, wait until you hear this.

Yesterday morning, I had a conversation with a man who referred to me as "Ma'am." Four times. I know because I started counting after "Ma'am" number 2. Now the first time, I can forgive. It was probably a mistake; maybe he assumed a lady would be working. Most of our stores are all-female employees.

But the second time? Okay, maybe my voice was a little high-pitched. I needed some water when he called, and it was right before the store (and the mall) actually opened.

Third time...okay, now I'm getting insulted.

Fourth time...now I'm just plain worried. Have my Crossplay antics have finally caught up to me? Have I achieved a potential level of androgeny that puts me alongside Bowie during his Ziggy Stardust days? Do I really sound like a girl?!

Don't answer that.

I said don't answer that! Please?

You bastards, you answered it.

NOOOOOO!!!!





Well, that about brings this little bit of nowhere to a close. The rest of today gets to be spent with Kevin as we conspire to make Hogwarts a little more crater-filled than usual. Though were on earth we're going to put the bukkake is beyond me. And just to make your day that much more surreal, here's a picture of a bunny with a pancake on his head.


posted by Phillip at 11:11 AM